Who is that person in the mirror?
Oh how life changes. I never thought I would be that mom who cries at daycare drop off and would rather hang out at home chasing around a toddler than going out for dinner and a few drinks. But I am. I’m the one with baby snot on my shirt and food stuck in my hair. I’m not sure how I became this person, but I did and I wouldn’t change it for all the rice in China. Do I need more balance in my life? Probably. But I’m ok with that even though sometimes I do look in the mirror and wonder how it is that I got here.
Hubby and I had a conversation a few weeks ago that brought this topic up. He said something along the lines of me not being the same carefree silly person I used to be and that I’m always stressed about baby stuff. In a way he’s right. I’m stressed. I work, I write, I blog, I make a home cooked dinner practically every night, I clean dishes and prepare lunch boxes. I’m not superwoman, I’m a working mom. I think it’s safe to say we’re all a little stressed. But I have been thinking about it since it was brought up. Andrew and I met when we were 18, a few years over a decade ago. Sure I’ve changed, so has he. I’d be more worried if we hadn’t changed. As much as I hate to admit it though, he’s right. My priorities have shifted and with how busy we can get in the minutiae of day to day life sometimes the things that are the most important are the ones we end up taking for granted. Like our spouses.
It’s like any relationship, if you don’t take care of it ,it won’t flourish. And sometimes when you live with someone and see them everyday and interact with them several times a day you can become 2 people that have intertwined lives without any connection. Everyone says that marriage is work, but you don’t really think about it as work until it gets tough. Last fall Andrew and I started ‘checking in’ every day. Our check in time is deemed as a judgement free space to reflect on each of our days and how we feel about the things that happened in our day, including how the others behavior made us feel. It helps get everything out in the open quickly because once you talk about something that bothered you and you’ve dealt with it then it becomes unimportant. The times when you take those little resentments and instead of talking about them you collect them and build a little tower of resentment then surely you will watch the tower collapse. And it probably won’t be pretty. For us, the most important piece is not even getting to the point of resentment and being upfront from the very first moment.
And then we can accept and love the people we have become. And we can become more conscious of things we might want to change. I don’t want to be stressed out all the time and I’m making an effort to let things go and relax and realize that things aren’t perfect and that’s ok. I’m still the same person, I still love to laugh and to dance. Nowadays I dance at home with a cute little toddler instead of in a mini skirt and high heels at a club. I am aware that the friends I had in high school might not recognize the person I have become and the friends I have now probably wouldn’t even believe some of the stories of my past but I’m happy to have evolved. After all, that’s what we’re here for isn’t it? To learn. To grow. To have fun.
As long as you can keep on smiling and enjoy being the person that you are today it’s all good.
This is Andrew and I in Florence on our honeymoon
And 4 years later this is the only picture we took on our anniversary when the three of us went out for dinner together:
Sometimes it can be difficult to keep yourself connected to who you really are underneath the mom. What are some ways you stay connected to your friends and to your spouse? I’d love to hear your feedback so we can all be more well-rounded!