In the blink of an eye
I don’t mean to get all nostalgic on you but that’s I’m going to anyways. A few days ago I walked through the kitchen door at home and saw Annabelle playing in the backyard. She was wearing a brightly colored skirt and tank, pink and white sneakers and her hair was in a ponytail. She was laughing and playing and having a good time. When she saw me she said “hi” and ran over to give me a hug and a kiss. It made me want to cry. Annabelle isn’t a baby anymore. She’s a big girl. Where did the time go? And how can I make it stop? I’ll settle for slowing it down.
My baby went from having just a few wisps of hair to having enough to put in a pony tail. From hating bathtime and getting wet to being such a water baby she would spend all day in any sort of water. She used to smell like a baby and now she smells like a toddler, with stinky feet that even rival her daddys stinky feet.
I remember those first few days when Andrew and I used to have to walk her around the house and sing to her to get her to fall asleep, now she falls asleep like a big girl and tends to take singing as an invitation to dance. She loves her dance parties.
Dropping her off at daycare for the first time I was so exhausted and numb that I didn’t cry until a few hours later, and now, even though she’s days short of being 19 months I still have random crying spells about being away from her.
Watching your child grow is bittersweet. Watching them become these tiny, perfect little people is amazing and all you want is for time to slow down and for them to adore you as much as they do now, forever. I can’t even imagine adoring her any less than I do now. I adore and love her more and more every single day. I just want to hold her and squeeze her and tell her how much I love her. But now she squirms when I do that for too long, then she pinches my cheeks and screams “cheeks!!” and then proceeds to terrorize the dogs and chase them around the house.
When I picked her up from daycare yesterday they told me that she struggled and cried while trying to put her shoes on (because the encourage them to do it on their own) and I nodded and said OK when what I really wanted to say was “why the hell didn’t you help her put her damn shoes on if she was crying!?!? Do you not realize that she’s a baby?!? She’s not even 2!!!” But I suck it up because at the tender age of 18 months she can put her shoes on and off (for the most part), take her plate to the trash and throw out what she didn’t eat and then bring me her plate when she’s done and say “all done”, put puzzles and toys away in their appropriate spot when she’s done playing with them (although she tends to forget this at home but I see her do it every day at daycare), and even said “thank you” when daddy bought her a new toy. I want her to be able to be a big girl and do things on her own. But I still want her to be my little baby.
Do any of you moms struggle with this? How do you cope? The the random outbreaks of tears ever stop or do you just get better at hiding it and your child gets older. share the love, advice and support.