A dogs life

As I write this I’m going through a very real, very emotional mourning process. In some instances blogging has become a very cathartic process for me and right now that is exactly what I need to help me move past this. Nothing has happened to my dogs. Nothing except the very real, very painful, very close reality that they need a new home. And now the tears stream down my face and my heart feels like it’s been shattered into a million pieces.

We have 2 beautiful Cavalier King Charles Spaniels. Who decided on this breed 4 years ago because we knew we wanted children and they’re known for being great with kids. We got Wally first. A few short weeks after moving to Hawaii where Andrew was stationed with the U.S Army. A few weeks after we got him I got sick. Very, very sick. Not able to get out of bed, having trouble breathing, constant headaches, nausea and a general feeling of ickiness. With a history of skin cancer I had test and tests and tests and when something was found on an MRI I was eventually diagnosed with metastatic melanoma and was told that cancer had spread to my bones. While Andrew was at work Wally was my only friend on a small island that I had just moved to. He snuggled in bed with me, went on walks with me and was my everything. Fast forward a couple months of testing and several visits to the oncologist it turns out I was misdiagnosed and the culprit of my illness was mold in the house we were living in.

Once the house was inspected and cleaned for mold and I was back on the mend we got Daphne. A cute little tricolor cavalier that bullied Wally around and had terribly stinky puppy breath. We lived ona  golf course and took them on it to run free on it every single night until we moved to Hickam Air Force bas and then we took them to the beach to run for at least an hour. every single day. I worked part time and had plenty of time for them.

And now we live in Texas and have Annabelle and on a good day they get a 20 minute walk around the neighborhood. By 8:30am they’re alone in the house, usually until about 5pm. sometimes longer. Wally has shown his disapproval of there being a baby in the house by marking on her some of her things and in front of her bedroom door. They spend most of their life depressed and alone sleeping on the sofa. They’ve been on prozac, we’ve tried to carve out more time for them and give them more love and surely we fall back into not having enough time and becoming irritated by the barking and the marking and the lack of energy and time we have to give them the love they deserve and the love that they have given us over the years. Annabelle absolutely adores them but they usually run away from her.

Last week I reached out to the Cavalier Rescue Group and have started taking the steps towards finding them a new home. I’ve been a hormonal, emotional, crying mess ever since and probably will be for a while. Hopefully I will find peace in the fact that they will go to a nice retired couple that has plenty of time to walk, love and spoil them. Deep in my heart I know they will be happier and that we just can’t keep them, Wallys spite for Annabelle will never disappear and if we are blessed with another child in the future the jealously and lack of time and energy would be even worse and it’s just not fair. They are my family, my best friends, they always make me feel better when I’m sad and they’ve seen Andrew and I through some of our darkest moments.

We haven’t given them up yet because the thought turns me into a crying, blubbering mess. But we know it’s the right thing to do. Maybe it’s like a bandaid and has to be done quickly to avoid any more heartache. Right now all I can think of doing is hugging and loving them and praying that they can feel how much I love them and that they’ll be happier.

Words of encouragement are greatly appreciated.