A Mothers Evolution

Most women have an idea of the kind of mothers they will be long before they are ready to become a mom. We think about how we’re going to dress them, what we’ll name them, wether we want to be a stay at home mom or a working mom. The truth of the matter is that we have no idea what kind of mother we will become and the second you hold that little baby in your arms all your pre-conceived notions will be tossed out the window and you’ll have no idea what to do.

Nothing can prepare you for the questions that come with motherhood. Had someone told me that I’d be a babywearing, co-sleeping, non-vaccinating, extended breastfeeding mom I wouldn’t have believed them. I never thought that I’d forgo an evening out with my husband to lay on my sofa listening to a baby monitor. Or that even going to get haircut was something I’d avoid because I didn’t want to spend a single second away from Annabelle if I didn’t absolutely have to. She’s 2 now and I still rush home to her and have a hard time leaving.

Motherhood is tough. It can make you want to scream, cry and laugh all at the same time. There’s always going to be a new question to ponder, an idea about a new way to do things that you hadn’t thought about. The beauty is that we can always change how we do things. We are ever evolving beings, and our roles as mothers should be ever evolving as well. If you learn a better way to do something embrace it instead of sitting in guilt about having done things differently in the past.

Don’t compare yourself to other moms! We’re all doing the best we can and we all think that the way we do things is the right way. If we didn’t think it was the best we wouldn’t be doing it. It’s that simple. And please don’t call yourself a bad mom! I hear people do this all the time and it drives me crazy. Just because we do things differently doesn’t mean either of us is wrong, it means we have different priorities, lead different lives, have different wants. And if someone is doing something or knows about something that you wish you could do then learn from them instead of beating yourself up.

I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but I do the best I can every single day. Between working, blogging, writing, cooking, crossfitting, unpacking lunchboxes, re-packing lunchboxes, doing dishes and chasing a toddler I’m exhausted by the end of the day.  Sometimes I wish bedtime was earlier because I just want a moment of silence before I go to bed. But I do go to bed every night knowing that I did the best I could that day. Some days we just don’t have as much to give and that doesn’t make anyone a bad mom, it makes us human. Embrace your evolution and your humanness.

You may have seen the Mommy Wars Campaign, I think its amazing. At one time or another most mothers have felt judged for the way they parent. Working moms have been given dirty looks for not spending enough time with their children and stay-at-home moms have been looked down upon for not having any ambitions or goals outside of their children. Neither or these are true. We each have different internal drives that dictates the kind of mother we strive to be and for one reason or another we may not have the opportunity to be that person, so we compromise and do the best we can. Some women work because they need the money, some work because they don’t want to loose their career and the identity that it has brought them, some moms want nothing more than devote as much time and effort into raising their children while putting their own goals and ambitions on the back-burner. Whatever you do just be the best you can be when you are with your kids and don’t be too quick to form an opinion of someone whose life you have no insight into.

We all have to keep chugging along and hopefully we’ll spend more time connected, building relationships with the people that matter than physically present with our minds wandering off to something that won’t matter 50 years from now.